Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

My procedure went well, whenever that was. What. Three days ago? But when I woke from it, the pain was there, intensified. It wasn’t an obstruction. That was good news. But there was no real answer for the pain. That was bad news.

I was slowly, slowly, admitted to the hospital, shuttled from recovery stall to recovery stall while the people on the fifth floor prepared a room for me. Dennis stayed by my side as afternoon dimmed to evening and Deb picked up Little J and finally, when I was checked in, and sick, and head-achey, Little J was shuttled to the Salt’s.

It was a rough night of scratchy sheets and my I.V. pole beeping.

Luckily the docs were in to see me early, the young oncologist whom Dennis went to school with called the other oncologist in the City and another surgeon, and together, all day long, we talked and tried to figure out what to do.

Surgery is not an option. THAT everyone is clear about. There are just too many risks.

But what to do about this tiny area of skinny intestine that is giving me so much trouble? One of the docs says it has widened? Then why all the pain and other trouble? No one knows.

No one knows.

It’s like the question of cancer itself, and how it continues to ravage us and take down even the most formidable of its prey, and now my own uncle stricken with it again. How do we stop it?

No one knows.

How is that even acceptable in this day and age? I just can’t believe it. From the big C to my little intestine that feels like I’ve been shot in the gut.

No one knows.

And that is what I have to somehow be resigned to. Somehow.

Well thank God I am home. Rather here than there. That is for sure. THIS much I know.

The pain I can manage. The NOT KNOWING I can not. It is not okay. And that I just had to say. It is NOT okay that this disease can just rampage itself all over us and through and there is nothing anyone can do. Ridiculous. Totally ridiculous.



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  1. Cathy’s avatar

    How frustrating! It’s so weird how people who are in the hospital need rest the most, and yet it could not possibly be a less restful place. I’m really glad you get to be home now, though, especially in the midst of this storm. As for the question of why this is something we humans still have to deal with in this day and age, we’ll just have to help solve that problem by walking our little hearts out at the Relay (taking ample breaks for cookie-eating, of course).

  2. Jenny’s avatar

    Heart-breaking to have no answers, only compassion. Thanks for your posts. Hugs and prayers.

  3. Linda’s avatar

    Oh Jen, I wish there was some way to make it ALL go away or at the very least to let you find the answers. I’m glad you are home. Sending love to you and yours. Linda

  4. Jo’s avatar

    You’re so right Jenn! It is NOT OK at all!
    I’m happy you’re home and able to sleep in your own non-scratchy sheets. All our love winging across the ocean, and us too!!! xxx

  5. marina’s avatar

    It is not ok. Hugs and prayers to you again.



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